ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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