I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize