The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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