my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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