He told me they were just razor bumps!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
