Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
