I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
