There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
