Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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