My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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