i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
