READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
