I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
