Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
