i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
