I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
