I'm lost and stupid without you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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