i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
