i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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