you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize