Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
