Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
