Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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