Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
