Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
this beer tastes like vomit already
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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