Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
