I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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