Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
