Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's shark week go big or go home
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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