I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
