whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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