I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
there's paper in my vomit.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
