Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
