Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
