I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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