I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
