It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
