you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
