did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
