i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
