i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
