you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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