u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
