Acid is not a monday night drug
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
