literally had 100 drinks last night.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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