This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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