Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
