We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
