i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
