His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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