I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
