Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
