Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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