I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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