i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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