btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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