Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
