Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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