I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
