Why are handjobs necessary in class?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
