My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
