i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
