i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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