I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
