Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
