thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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