What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
