i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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