You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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