If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
