if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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